also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
