3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize