he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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