you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shame - the story of my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
