some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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