my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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