atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
