I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
