Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
