I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
