I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
