Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
