Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she looked like the before picture.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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