In America we eat man semen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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