I think I died a long time ago.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
