I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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