I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
