Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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