Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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