Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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