so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
