i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
