There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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