I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
