You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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