So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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