Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
