Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
