he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Four minutes until I can fart!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize