Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
