all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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