haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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