I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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