it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were trust falling into bushes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
