please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
