Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
