dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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