We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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