Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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