There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
and you fell through a lawn chair
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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