WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
