i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
