Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
