I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
