I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
