she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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