I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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