My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
