I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
