This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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