THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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