soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
