Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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