You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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