Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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