I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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