Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize