Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
