I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
