Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
