You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
