Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
