I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm too high and old for this...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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