i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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