Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
