stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
