maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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